Selfconfessions

Oh how I miss him already
I’m getting pretty deep into this
He’s kind and patient
I love it
I love everything about him

but i think id be lying to myself.

there are many things id like to fix about his direction in life only if helets me. and only if he wants it.

I want this to be different i really do. He truely and sincerly loves me he’s grown enough to know what he wants and im glad to say what he wants is me.

Im just not IN love. I guess I’ll know when. No need to rush right?

Why does he seem mister close to perfect to me? I don’t know

I’m young but I dont want to be stupid. I really dont want to contemplate about this too much it’ll hurt my head lol.

This distance thing isn’t too bad tho? i guess…

Its been nice and just too perfect. I’m really happy chris got to be up here, shows how much he cares for me. I just don’t know how it is going to be in the long run. We’re still not together, so what now? Sigh. Sleeping next to him every day for over a week and doing almost everything together just seems perfect. I can definalty see him sticking around more. Our trip to SF kinda topped everything, just time together in the city made me the happiest person in the whole world :) Ugh i just want to be with him :/ I hope I’m not talking out of my ass….

I planned to have the best weekend with michelle. Catching up with her and what not but i guess it wasn’t what I expected. I don’t want to say I’m not happy for here but I just feel like she’s such a different person now since she’s been with Kenny. I mean he lost his job and thinks he’s in a little “vacation” but he should realize that his life is going to go nowhere if he just surfs and act like a bum thinking he owns my best friends car. I’m pretty glad Michelle’s mom told her she could’t take Kenny unless he was marrying him. LMAO

I dont know she doesn’t drink and smoke like she used to. I can tell her bullshitting. I know you too well Michelle. You and ciggs are your best friend now. How sad….

SNAP OUT OF IF BEST FRIEND! please!

I really don’t know why I am doing this to myself. Temptation is everywhere, ugh. And I don’t know why I’m not waiting on Chris. I don’t know Just something about him I can’t trust. This sucks.

Well let’s just say I LOVE COLLEGE! It’s so exciting to me, not having to wory about anything but myself. It’s great. I kind of found someone; Mr. Mike Jenkerson. I dont know what to feel about him right now but I’m just going to go with it. Half Filipino and black, 6 feet, here on half scholarship, and the same major as me. I find that so attractive in how he has his priorites straight. Now I’m just sitting here thinking about what my next move is. This new chapter in life is JUST what I needed. Stress over school and whatever else goes on like drama and what not I’m ready! This ride is probably going to be the best ride of my life. And I’m ready to soak in EVERY SINGLE moment of it.